Ugh. Physically I still feel pretty great. But mentally - today was tough.
I started off the day with a workout and was really pleased to find boiled eggs (not quite as tasty as mine) and fresh fruit in the continental breakfast fare that started my day.
Lunchtime hit pretty hard. We took some guests to a local mall and I engaged the gauntlet known as the food court. The veggies available via fast-food salads all looked pretty paltry, and every meat offered involved some sort of fillers, soy, sugar, and/or MSG. Even grilled chicken at ChickFilA involves a whole lot of that junk. I ended up with a romaine salad topped with guac and a six-count of grilled nuggets. Those were my best options, and not Whole 30. (They are in spirit, but not in practice.) I have to say the experience let a little bit of wind out of my sails. For the first time now I realize how full of not-real-food my diet has been. And everyone's diet has been. Including my kids. What am I feeding us? The food court used to be a weekly or bi-weekly staple. Yuck.
Walking through the mall also made me aware of this weird relationship I secretly have with food. I passed the Cinnabon kiosk. I passed the pretzel stand. I passed the coffee shop in the bookstore. All of these were beckoning me - not because I was hungry - but because I needed a pastime. I needed not fuel for my body - but an experience... an escape... a reward... something enjoyable for myself.
A friend of ours once said, "food is just fuel." Tonight I thought about Tow Mater on Disney's Cars, "I'm a precision instrument made for speed and aromatics." And, of course, he could only drink the best fuel. (Sorry, folks - I live with preschoolers - I live and speak animated features.) But really. Have I been fueling myself or using food for something that it really wasn't necessarily totally intended for? I mean, yes, food is supposed to taste good and bring us enjoyment. But is enjoyment its primary purpose in my life?
For dinner I was surrounded with plenty of not Whole 30 food options at a tasty barbecue place. Plenty of nitrates and sugar on the menu. But it all looked so good. How did Daniel and his buddies do it in Babylon? The king's finest before them - and veggies and water? I opted for a naked burger topped with guac and pico, and exchanged fries with fresh fruit. The saddest part of that meal was the state of the veggies. It was clear that vegetables as a whole were an afterthought there. Our fries are crispy but our lettuce ain't. And the poor fruit.
So where am I? I'm still as on track as I possibly can be. And yet a bit disillusioned. And wondering what my nutritional life is going to look like in a few weeks. What is sustainable with my pace of life, budget and need to travel? What changes can I make for the health of my kids? Am I going to eat yogurt? What enjoyment will I find in my life if I no longer find it through food?